We bought our first house, a semi, in Nagle Avenue at Maroubra. That’s where I met my friend Margaret Mahony. She was in the house opposite. I used to watch her coming and going. She had grown up in the area and knew just so many people. All the school mates used to come and visit. I didn’t know anyone in the area. I was very lonely at that stage. I’d had the kids young. One day I got up the courage and I thought, Bugger it, I’m gonna go over and say hello. Which I did. She had a little boy, Adam at that stage and then she had another boy, Graeme a couple of years later. Margie and I have been friends ever since. We lost contact for a while but then we got back in contact with each other. It’s been a good friendship.

Our journey down Alzheimer’s street began almost 14 years ago when I realized that things were just not right with my husband. It was not until finally in 2001 that a full diagnosis was made – Alzheimer’s disease with a large amount of frontal lobe involvement. It had earlier thought to be caused by stress or sleep apnoea. Scans showed that he had the brain of an eighty year old at the age on a fifty six year old man! At least when knew then that there was a reason for the poor memory, lack of motivation and organisational skills and change of personality. The calm, patient man became totally impatient and quitting every job after periods of time with no motivation to search for another. I had to become the full time wage earner – four children still being at school – and having little support with home duties while my husband sat at home writing stories, mainly based on his early days of life and totally losing himself in his own thoughts.

I had a nursing background so thought “we can cope” but nothing prepares you for being a twenty four/seven carer. Our journey through life with Alzheimer’s was once described as “The Long Goodbye.”

Fortunately we were introduced to the Alzheimer’s Association early in the piece through a friend and attended their wonderful, “Living with early memory loss program.” Apart from learning more about the disease as well as legal and financial situations which needed to be established we began with the magnificent realisation that we were not alone and that there was a multitude of assistance out in the community by way of organisations, paid by employees and fabulous volunteers as well as others in the same boat. We could all join to help each other live with this slowly debilitating disease.

As far as the sufferers of this disease were concerned it was the first time that they came to be with other sufferers and were able to discuss their feelings openly. My husband made friends with Don and they could talk about things together and even travel once a month to attend follow up activities at North Ryde for some years before my husband became too ill to make the venture safely.

For quite some time life went on much the same. We had always planned to travel around Australia when we retired so I thought “Why wait?” We purchased a little old campervan and started to make plans. My husband was so excited that I used to arrive home from work to find him sitting in the van just writing or reading and thinking about all we could do, see and experience.

We finally took off and travelled through Victoria, Tasmania and much of NSW for about 3 months until Geoff's driving and navigation became of great concern. At one stage, when our daughter was travelling with us, we came very close to a serious accident in which we could have all been wiped out by a very large truck.

On return, his loss of license inspired by testing was a great upset to him and very degrading as he saw this as a loss of his independence. He even wanted to start riding a bicycle and it took a lot of persuasion regarding safety and “those other silly buggers you can't trust on the road.”

If Geoff did any small jobs at home or for anyone he wondered why he was not being paid and really missed the mateship of men at work. He was still very involved with our now grown children and I admire their patience as he always had to join in with their friends and enjoyed nothing more than sharing a drink and cigarette with them.

Geoff's condition progressed fairly slowly and we enjoyed being part of many Alzheimer's Association educational and social activities. We also participated in drug studies with the hope of maybe helping future generations. I worked until Geoff's safety and home needs forced me to quit.

He had for many years spent one day at the weekend with his Mum mainly reminiscing and looking at old photos etc. Her death in 2006 had a profound effect on him without us fully realising.

As things got worse we had to tap into extra services like home respite, then daycare centres and finally home care and help with personal care. As Geoff became more aggressive, restless and in need of full-time care we were forced to have a phone hook up for a family conference and make the devastating decision to admit him to Nursing Home Care.

He is now beautifully and lovingly cared for only five minutes from home and has already survived a near death episode. His mental state has become greatly deteriorated but he is still my beautiful, if now, merely skeletal and non-mobile boy.   

I would not change the opportunity of that blind date for anything. Even with the ups and downs and the ever-threatening and getting closer time to say a final goodbye. With his amazing love of music I am reminded of a school song which Geoff loved and always made me cry.  

This will be our last song together

Words will only make us cry

This will be our last song together

There's no other way we can say goodbye

While sitting here reminiscing about the years spent manoeuvring myself and my husband through the maze of Alzheimer’s disease, I can’t help but think about the many wonderful people that we have met and the (God willing) never to be forgotten friendships created during that time.

The words of Jim Henson's unforgettable Sesame Street song with the words, "It's the people that you meet when you're walking down the street, it's the people-that you meet each day" ring in my ears. I spent many hours watching Sesame Street with my four darling children.

I have made some fabulous friends to share the good and bad times, to laugh at and with each other and then also the times of sadness and loss. Without these people and the amazing support of my wonderful family I would have been unable to survive. I have been through the full gamut of emotions - love, hate, fear, panic attacks, depression, impatience, helplessness and hopelessness. But, with the grace of God, I survived to live and love another day.

I would like to thank many people, without giving individual names and the many associations who have all helped in our struggle. Professors, doctors, GP's, nurses, occupational and diversional therapists, counsellors, receptionists and the fabulous ACAT team at the Prince of Wales. The Alzheimer's Association and especially the monthly coming together group and fabulous AD. Hoc social volunteers and our support groups has been invaluable. Respite and Home Care of St Luke's and Spiritus, the Holdsworth centre and Annabel House, especially with the inception of weekend care there were a Godsend. The Benevolent Society and Respite centre and now in our final stages, the superb staff at Amity nursing home, Maroubra Junction and the many sufferers of this horrible disease and their 24/7 carers and loved ones, especially my many friends and family both here and in the USA, could not have been done without

To all the people connected with helping us come through this with still a little sanity and hope for the future, I say a big thank you. Family and friendships are the ultimate achievements in my life and I hope that I have some time after the trauma of Alzheimer's has reached it’s final closure for me and my beloved Geoffrey so that I can once again enjoy life and my amazing children and grandchildren of now and the future.

By Maria Turner